In a BuzzFeed article from 2013, Louis Peitzman argued while the LGBT community might preach to its youth that “It Gets Better,” the message for plus-size queers isn’t so hopeful. These politics of exclusion leave many feeling left out of a community that, after coming out, they hoped would embrace them. Gay men face enormous pressure to fit into a very narrow view of beauty-often defined on hookup apps like Grindr and Scruff by the groups they leave out: “No Fats, No Femmes.” Because it’s hard to speak with accuracy about the habits and preferences of an entire community, this is a generalization, but it’s one that is often true. In the ’90s sitcom Will and Grace, there’s an old joke that men could be considered skinny by straight standards but labeled fat among their gay peers. These forms of everyday discrimination most commonly included “rejection by potential romantic partners on the basis of weight.”įor instance, were a “fat” gay man to approach someone in a bar, Foster-Gimbel and Engeln found that there was a “greater likelihood that the overweight man would be blatantly ignored, treated rudely, or mocked behind his back” than a heterosexual male of the same size. Look away, I guess.Have you ever been told you’re too fat for Grindr? A recent study from the Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity shows you’re not alone.Īccording to researchers Olivia Foster-Gimbel and Renee Engeln, one-third of the gay men they surveyed reported experiencing “anti-fat bias”-even among those who weren’t classified as overweight by the Body Mass Index. If my weight bothers you, well, that’s your problem. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and 100 pounds won’t be lost in one, either. I’m having to relearn how I eat, how I exercise, and how I view myself.
A lifetime of struggling with body image and yo-yo dieting takes a toll on one’s mental as well as physical health. I am tired of hiding because I am obese, and I am tired of simply staying silent when people make negative comments about me. All you are doing is making us hate ourselves - not the fat on the outside, but the wounded person inside. We do not need you to tell us being fat is bad for our health. Fat people do not need you to tell us we are fat. I believe he comes from a genuinely good place, as most people do when they say things like, “You’ve got a pretty face, though” or, “I know you can lose those pesky pounds!” But I wish people wouldn’t say anything at all. My grandfather means well when he nags me about food. “That’s not me, that’s Jabba the Hutt,” I found myself thinking yesterday as I glimpsed myself in a full-length mirror. I avoid mirrors at all costs, horrified by what I see. But I couldn’t stand the sight of myself. I made a couple of YouTube videos, and I enjoyed that. I have turned down media appearances that might have boosted my career as writer because I do not want to be videoed. I am only now beginning to reckon with what being fat - or more accurately, what being treated badly for being fat - has cost me. It’s cliché to say it, but only because it is true: the pressure to be thin or to be fit is literally killing gay men like me. Another survey found that one in three LGBTQ people have suffered suicidal ideation because of their negative body image. Yet according to one survey, 77 percent of gay men have felt judged or objectified because of their body, with 58 percent reporting pressure to look attractive. Eating disorders and negative body image are often thought of as issues affecting only women. I am terrified I will never be thin again.Īccording to the National Eating Disorders Association, more than 10 million American men will develop an eating disorder in their lifetimes. I am furious that I haven’t been more disciplined. I’m frustrated I haven’t lost more weight. My doctor says that’s par for the course and not to beat myself up for it.
I’ve gained about 15 back since I quit smoking. Unlike most of the people I see on social media who lament gaining weight in lockdown, I lost 50 pounds in 2020. Again, it’s cliché, but only because it is true. Mostly, though, this was weight gained from eating and drinking to treat depression. Some of this was from a sedentary lifestyle I worked in an office until 2019, and now I work from home. In my 30s I’ve gained a considerable amount of weight.